Mulla in Love :)

Hello and welcome this is BUZZ Khan from GNN (Gossip News Network). Today I am covering here what can be called the gossip of the year .. yeah we have found a Mulla who has fallen in love. Wow, cheeky and creepy isn't it... I don't know what more this 21st century is going to bring to us .. A Mullah in Love, is that an oxymoron or what (hehehe) .. anyway we have the Mulla himself, in person, here with us .. lets talk to him .....

Buzz Khan (BK): Hi, Mulla! Yo man how ye doin ...
Mulla:(Seems tight lipped) ... Assalam o Alaiukum ..
BK: :s  errr.. ummm (Sheepishly) oh well yes .. Wa Le Kum Salam .. So Mulla you are the one who has fallen in love!?
Mulla: Thats right..
BK: Can you tell us a bit how it happened, where it started .. give us those tiny, miny, lil juicy details
Mulla: (With an annoying stare) I can't tell you all this .. I must protect the privacy and self esteem of my lady love .. I just can't give these sacred details to your lousy network ...
BK: (Flabbergasted) (Talking to himself ... man this is tougher than I thought .. I should have tried to have an English interview with Meera instead, that would have been easier) Ummm well .. ok Mulla, lets put it this way .. usually the Mullas are not thought to be associated with love, romance and stuff .. how will you comment?
Mulla: Look mister we Mullas might have long beards but we still have hearts in our bosoms!!
BK: (Shaking head in admiration) .. Moved, I'm deeply moved .. but you know like you are not supposed to cast a second look at a woman .. how do you manage falling in love without really looking at someone whole heartedly??
Mulla: Ummm well (looks puzzled and a bit shaken) .. you are right we are supposed to be that way but you know we do steal a look or two occassionaly .. especially if the girl is a pretty and cute one (Mulla is blushed with a tinge of redness on his cheeks)
BK: OOKKAAYY ... (Now things are spicing up a bit) so yours is a pretty one ..ahan??
Mulla: (Totally confused) ... ummm ..well ... aa baa ..
BK: Okay okay I get it .. But don't you think its wrong or a bit sinful if I must say ..
Mulla: (Agitated) Well why .. all I intend is to get married to the woman I love, I don't mean anything sinful .. Why it seems wrong to you??
BK: (On the back foot) Oh no Mulla I didn't mean that way .. well forget it .. Ok tell our viewers as they might be interested in knowing .. what if your girl likes to party, wants to do that fun stuff and all .. how will you manage that?
Mulla: Look buddy (opening up a bit for the first time) .. I like to party myself but you know I have my limits .. I do the fun stuff once in a while .. so if my girl would like to party I'll party WITH her but there will be certain places, kind of people and activities that I might not approve .. I hope she can manage that much!
BK: Pretty cool Mulla we have here .. well Mulla let me ask this and I hope you won't be offended ..
Mulla: Go on .. I won't be ..
BK: Well why on earth a pretty and cool "Bachee" hook up with you .. come on there are so many cool guys out there .. why a boring piece of log like you ..
Mulla: (Takes a deep breath) I am not boring to begin with .. I have my lighter and fun side but I just don't show it to every woman passing by like your regular cool hunks ... I have my colors reserved for the special one .. now if that holds any significance!!
BK: O come on man you are talking as if you'll be the most committed and faithful person under the sun ..
Mulla: Well why not .. isn't that how it is supposed to be .. you get a wife and then you stay committed .. truly a one-woman-man !!
BK: Throw me a bone Mulla .. the equation in your tribe is four for one NOT one for one .. if you know what I mean
Mulla: Yeah I was expecting that one .. look man your cool guy has one wife, 3 girl friends and a dozen mistresses and I'm not counting the one-night-stands yet and you still insist on calling him a one woman man??
BK: O come on Mulla .. you jump to extremes .. the regular guy we have here doesn't have that plethora of women in his life but you know if he does steal a flirtatious moment or two, here and there .. just for fun .. man it just adds some spice to life .. On the other hand when you will fall for someone else you won't settle for less than a Nikah!!
Mulla: (With an I-Feel-Sick-of-This look on his face) Man its not compulsory to have 4 wives in your Harem, if I must say .. Point is when you marry a woman then the matters of hearts, be they small or big must remain between you and your mate .. You don't cut off with rest of the women in the world .. you do interact with them as colleagues, relatives or in some other acceptable role .. you act nicely and pleasantly with them but you do maintain a "safe distance" .. its not that difficult to achieve if you have your juices in your control ..
BK: Oh man don't take it personally ..
Mulla: I'm not!
(Brief moments of silence)
BK: But my question is still there .. look I appreciate you will be faithful and all but still .. yaar just look, there are so many guys, they are usual nice guys, they will be faithful too, they are trendy as well, you have so many strings attached, like your appearance, your limited life-style .. and yes you'll ask your woman to cover-up and wear shuttle cocks etc .. I know you are a genuine nice guy but why you? Why not others?
Mulla: (With a you-break-my-heart look) Sighs ... Man I really don't have an answer for this .. but i'll try .. look buddy can't you just treat me as your usual nice guy, why there is so much stereo-typing .. If I try to live my life around a philosophy then whats wrong with it .. Everyone has their ideas about life, you can't even predict what others really believe in .. mine is at least open and predictable .. as for covering up and all that, well man if I am saving so much of my inner self for my special one, can't she keep her most prized and precious assets just for me .. I won't be oppressive or imposing .. I know how to give space and give time for adjustments .. but if I ask her to dress up decently then probably I'm not asking for too much!!
BK: Hmmm ... ok let me ask .. why have you fallen for a not-so-religious-looking-girl? why not your ninja-burqa-clad Mullani?
Mulla: Ah you don't understand my friend .. in the matters of heart you can't fall for someone who has the "right parameters" .. its just for whom the heart beats and the one who clicks .. its just like that and plus I don't stereo-type like you do .. Nice girls don't come in pre-defined packages .. they can be found in any shape and form, you just need to have an eye to identify the right one!!
BK: Alright man this is getting long here .. any message you want to give??
Mulla: Well .. its for my lady love and all those skeptics who keep their fingers crossed around mullas and lovers .. the spring of love can well up from any heart, the seed of romance can take roots in any ground .. its not the outward look that matters .. after all its a connection of hearts that originates from a heart and must end up nicely in another accepting and willing heart .. Love is one of those rare gifts of life that is hard to find in its purest form and much harder to match up in another equally loving and willing mate .. but no matter what the odds are, no matter how much risk is there and no matter how much emotional wealth is at stake .. going after a proposition of possible true love is worth a million heart-breaks than not attempting, just to save yourself from another emotional scar or to avoid a badly burnt heart.
BK: Wow mulla .. you are quite a poet .. you alomst made me cry man .. anyway thats all from Buzz Khan .. We hope our Mulla succeeds in winning over the heart of his lady love .. thats all for now from GNN .. keep watching for the latest gossip!!

(Disclaimer: All above characters and incidents are imaginery but they have been kept intentionally close to reality so that a coincidental resemablance may occur :D)

A Message From the Director

Just to give you the background there is a university in Lahore, Pakistan which we remember by the name of FAST-NU. As it is known the faculty and management at the university and this particular campus is a bit old fashioned and remains concerned about ethics and values (yeah that endangered species). Although some even doubt their own moralities but lets not get into that right now.
It so happened that the director of the said campus circulated an email to the students, guiding them in terms of their behavior, especially with regards to male-female interaction. Here is the message in original:

Now that seems pretty clear and simple to me but as we are a vibrant society of differing opinions a friend of ours raised concerns about this message in an alumni mailing list. His exact concerns are as follows:

As I came to know that Arshad Hussaib Sb. is also on this group, simple concerns from my side..

Mohtarram,

• Why there is no designated person/persons to circulate this/any rule to students keh apko apnay hee dast-e-mubarak say email karni parti hai?
• Secondly, what the hell was that? I mean there are infinite ways of showing concern on these issues, why FAST management always has to scare students?
• and with due respect.. urmmm.. challein rehnay dein iss say agay koi baat keee to out of respect ho jani hai.. :S :)

Incidentally I am also teaching at the same university these days and more interestingly I am teaching professional issues and ethics to the students hence I find it appropriate (sort of necessary) to add my two cents. Therefore I have composed a message on behalf of the director. Let this be an example to all directors and academic heads, of how to address a sensitive issue like this. Here it comes:

My Dearest Students,

I was just thinking about few things lately and well I am a bit upset about some of them. I don't know how to say this but being the director I must say this (please excuse me if I hurt someone). Ideally some PA or administrator should have sent this but you know, you can't really trust these guys, because they become so rude. Therefore I decided to talk to you instead. So I was saying that there are few matters of concern vis-a-vis campus behaviour is concerned. 

(Ah! this is so difficult). 

1) You know generally its not a very good idea to get too close to someone from the opposite sex. Oh please don't think that I am blaming you people, not the least. Its just that sometimes, may be due to lack of sitting space (or if no one is around) male and female students unknowingly and out of sheer innocence make some kind of contact (in the physical sense I mean). Again I'm extremely embarrased myself having said these words. (If any of you feels offended just ignore this mail). But my humble request is that please try not to do this in future. (Some fanatic has placed security cameras in the campus and if God forbid anyone is caught I won't be able to do much to save him&her)

2) Secondly, again this must be due to some sheer negligence of the university, students are sometimes forced to sit in the corridors and/or stairs. You know I really feel that students must be allowed to do whatever they like on the campus but again people start pointing fingers at the management, faculty and above all the student body (my beloved students). So for the sake of sheer love and concern I have for my students please don't sit in the corridors/stairs. You'll make your director really proud by NOT doing this.

I hope you get my point and please don't take it personally. Still I apologize in advance if someone feels bad about it. But you see we are like a family and being the head, I must bring issues to the table. But please don't think that I don't trust you, its just the hard part of being a director. I hope you understand my position too.

Lovingly yours,

The Director of F@$T

The 'New' Party in Punjab

So MQM is finally here [in Punjab]. They mean business and they will probably stay. Will they 'smile and conquer', that needs to be seen? The reaction towards MQM's arrival is mixed as one can imagine and its a natural one. MQM has few good things to brag about lately (e.g. Mustafa's Kamals) but they also carry a certain baggage (rather body bags :p). The biggest hurdles in their way are probably these:


The Leadership
Like most political parties in Pakistan MQM too does not have a clean image vis-a-vis leadership. Looks of Rajnikanth mixed with strengths of Dawood Ibrahim, speckled with humor of a street comedian gives us the top man of MQM. He is none other [possible till he is alive] than the most hilarious, the master of remote controls and the biggest user of long distance phones ... iiiiits Altaaaaaf Husseeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiin (Tha tha, dhishon dhishon, dhazz dhazz). It will be naive (and a bit dangerous too) to say that MQM should change their leader if they want to be a serious national political player. However, since in Pakistan a lot gets forgotten, we can easily forget about the past of Altaf bhai, although the party still needs to manage the image of their leader.


B&B
This can mean bed and breakfast, bread and butter (Beavis & Butthead may be) in ordinary circumstances but when it comes to MQM, B&B can also mean 'Bhatta' (بھتہ) and 'Body Bags'.  Also include MS and SC. You can guess these acronyms while you are reading this post, the answers are given at the end. Again this image needs to be managed and these words should never be heard in public, "Since the arrival of MQM street crimes in Punjab have risen". Whether it is done by hooligans hired by Q-League to get fingers pointed at MQM or Shahbaz Sharif forms a special cell of Punjab Police to commit crimes in the name of MQM; if for once this image gets reinforced in the minds of Punjabi public, the consequences will be detrimental for MQM.


Ethnic Bias
MQM has been a party which has thrived more on creating and encouraging, ethnic biases and differences among people. It has never been seen as a uniting force. It has safeguarded the interest of the ethnic group it initially represented by establishing a dominance by force rather than being a messenger of peace and understanding among various ethnic groups. Do I sound too sweet here? Okay please forgive me, I also know how things get done around here but whats wrong in saying nice and sweet things (looks nice written in a blog post). The arrival in Punjab itself indicates a shift in the overall party policy however there is a fair chance that in Punjab too MQM adopts a few down trodden ethnicities and then struggles their (bloody) way to get those ethnicities both their fair and unfair share. The convention speech of Altaf bhai did have some hints to it, when he talked about Siraiky belt and South Punjab. Will MQM be a fore runner and a clean political player in Punjab OR will it play the usual hold-on-gunpoint-and-get-things-done game?


Now lets come to the good things which the arrival of MQM may signify in Punjab. To begin with it is by and large a good and positive gesture by a political party who was strictly taken as an ethnic party to move towards the national horizon. This step in itself can strengthen the unity and integrity of federation. It also indicates that the political party has come of age and is mature enough to think beyond just their own 'Gali Mohalla'. 
Secondly the timing of this move could not have been any better. The government of PPP has miserably failed to address the problems of common man. Mian Sab the great is as usual intoxicated by heavy doses of 'Siri-Paya', 'Nihari', 'Hareesa' ..... (and the list goes on). He is practicing shooting these days and has chosen his own foot as a target. In short the most naive way in which PML-N is cooperating with PPP for whatever noble reasons of  stabilizing the system and strengthening democracy, the impression going out to the already fed up public is that PPP and PML-N are partners in crime. People ARE waiting for a third option. Yes, the same third option for which Captain Khan is fruitlessly trying for almost a decade but has failed so far. My short message to Captain Khan is that has he ever reached the masses in the way MQM did in their convention. Altaf can pull crowds while sitting thousands of miles away but why has Khan failed to connect with people he lives among?
My perception as of now and today is that if MQM plays its cards wisely and cleanly they do have a chance. Folks they can pose a serious threat to Mians, Chaudhris and Ghosts of Bhutto. But will they drop their baggage and come out clean or is it their bread and butter?? (Oh! that B&B thing again!!!)


(MS: Mobile Snatching
SC: Street Crime)

The Kyrgyzstan Model?

Are we [in Pakistan] heading towards an anarchy? Or are we just in the middle of one? Lets have a look:

1. Army is already busy in an almost full scale war in the traditionally safe and secure western border areas (talking of the border tribal belt itself). Much worse they are fighting within the borders. The insurgents/miscreants are after all the citizens of Pakistan and the "collateral damage" kills our own innocent people and ruins the country's infrastructure. When the army men lay their lives, it weakens our own army and the thought of killing a Muslim brother demoralizes our men (especially in lower ranks), who are motivated by the concept of 'Jihad'. Not to mention the issues of IDPs and the hatred that is bred by such operations in the hearts of local population. Military operation might have been inevitable but we are yet to see its required outcome and pacification of the local population (our brethren) for whatever material and emotional damages they suffered. 
2. Those tribal areas in which our own army is not engaged, the ever notorious US drones are operating and killing the ones spared by the ground forces. Just goes on to add insult to injury. 
3. Move a little up north in the same region and we have a new kind of upheaval. There are people who are out to prove Shakespeare wrong, "Whats in a name". Ask someone living in Hazara [division] and he/she will tell you, its all about the name. Rest of their province is celebrating the change of name [of their province] from NWFP to Khyber-Pakhtoonkhwa. 
4. Then lets take into account the cities of Peshawar, Rawalpindi, Lahore and few others at the same time. Here the bravadoes, from those areas mentioned in the first paragraph, equipped with twisted religious interpretations and lots of explosives go for bombing sprees that kill security forces men and the innocent civilians alike. 
5. Then we have a local version of IRA .. which we call BLA (Balochistan Liberation Army). 
6. To add further spice we have an acute shortage of electricity. On one hand it is ruining the business, industry, employment opportunities, peace of mind and smooth running of daily lives, on the other hand it is tarnishing the image of government and deeming it as a failed entity. Thirdly it has also brought the angry common people on the streets. 
7. Things were already quite "smooth" when our "beloved" neighbor also jumped in to "lend a hand". They are blocking the waters of our rivers by building .. DAM[N]s. Resultantly we are having a short fall of irrigation water as well. It also aggravates the power crisis.
8. Soon we are going to have a new wave of inflation when a proposed 15% VAT on products across the board and 6% rise in electricity prices comes into effect. The streets will be filled with protesters again. I mean those streets that were spared by an insurgency, bomb blast, celebration/protest for/against the name of a province, bomb blast, protest against shortage of essentials (other than oxygen), bomb blast, protest just for the heck for it, bomb .......

In above paragraphs I have listed some of the most major and mostly internal problems that come to the mind of an ordinary Pakistani. Not to mention the more deeper and complex issues at the national and foreign fronts. Now if we consider the uprising in Kyrgyzstan it was mainly due to rise in heating and electricity tariff, coupled with usual ills of corruption and nepotism. Whereas is Pakistan we have multiple issues. Issues that are much more complex, deeper and grave. Hence we can safely conclude that Pakistan is NOT heading towards a Kyrgyzstan-like uprising. Being a nation of creative, sovereign, original and independent people we'll do something in our own right. (باقی الله خیر ہی کرے - آمین )

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