A Message From the Director

Just to give you the background there is a university in Lahore, Pakistan which we remember by the name of FAST-NU. As it is known the faculty and management at the university and this particular campus is a bit old fashioned and remains concerned about ethics and values (yeah that endangered species). Although some even doubt their own moralities but lets not get into that right now.
It so happened that the director of the said campus circulated an email to the students, guiding them in terms of their behavior, especially with regards to male-female interaction. Here is the message in original:

Now that seems pretty clear and simple to me but as we are a vibrant society of differing opinions a friend of ours raised concerns about this message in an alumni mailing list. His exact concerns are as follows:

As I came to know that Arshad Hussaib Sb. is also on this group, simple concerns from my side..

Mohtarram,

• Why there is no designated person/persons to circulate this/any rule to students keh apko apnay hee dast-e-mubarak say email karni parti hai?
• Secondly, what the hell was that? I mean there are infinite ways of showing concern on these issues, why FAST management always has to scare students?
• and with due respect.. urmmm.. challein rehnay dein iss say agay koi baat keee to out of respect ho jani hai.. :S :)

Incidentally I am also teaching at the same university these days and more interestingly I am teaching professional issues and ethics to the students hence I find it appropriate (sort of necessary) to add my two cents. Therefore I have composed a message on behalf of the director. Let this be an example to all directors and academic heads, of how to address a sensitive issue like this. Here it comes:

My Dearest Students,

I was just thinking about few things lately and well I am a bit upset about some of them. I don't know how to say this but being the director I must say this (please excuse me if I hurt someone). Ideally some PA or administrator should have sent this but you know, you can't really trust these guys, because they become so rude. Therefore I decided to talk to you instead. So I was saying that there are few matters of concern vis-a-vis campus behaviour is concerned. 

(Ah! this is so difficult). 

1) You know generally its not a very good idea to get too close to someone from the opposite sex. Oh please don't think that I am blaming you people, not the least. Its just that sometimes, may be due to lack of sitting space (or if no one is around) male and female students unknowingly and out of sheer innocence make some kind of contact (in the physical sense I mean). Again I'm extremely embarrased myself having said these words. (If any of you feels offended just ignore this mail). But my humble request is that please try not to do this in future. (Some fanatic has placed security cameras in the campus and if God forbid anyone is caught I won't be able to do much to save him&her)

2) Secondly, again this must be due to some sheer negligence of the university, students are sometimes forced to sit in the corridors and/or stairs. You know I really feel that students must be allowed to do whatever they like on the campus but again people start pointing fingers at the management, faculty and above all the student body (my beloved students). So for the sake of sheer love and concern I have for my students please don't sit in the corridors/stairs. You'll make your director really proud by NOT doing this.

I hope you get my point and please don't take it personally. Still I apologize in advance if someone feels bad about it. But you see we are like a family and being the head, I must bring issues to the table. But please don't think that I don't trust you, its just the hard part of being a director. I hope you understand my position too.

Lovingly yours,

The Director of F@$T