The [un]Holy War

Devour devour

Flesh and blood

Innocent and weak

Irrelevant yet prominent

Kill and kill

As sacrifices you must

Present to the gods

Of your own creation

The gods of your ego

gods of your whims

Don’t leave any place

Unstained and clean

Be it a mosque

Of infidels

Or a pub

Where pious flaunt

Let it be

A soldier or student

A politician or beggar

Kill them all

Kill them everywhere

Why did the chicken cross the road????

So here is the current political version of the question ... :)

Nawaz Shareef: Because it had to cross the road .. for the third time
Imran Khan: It is not a chicken, it is a tsunami crossing the road .. can't you see oye son of a tiger
Altaf Hussain: If the chicken won't cross the road and join us .. it will be found in a body bag on the other side
Shujaat Hussain: Well lets forget about this road crossing and chickens... Mitti pao
Musharraf: Because the chicken is NOT afraid of anyone (oops but it was caught the moment it crossed the road :p)
Shahbaz Shareef: Chicken doesn't need to cross the road any more because we have constructed an underpass
Khwaja Saad Rafique: Why are these chickens not crossing the road .. they are sitting right in the middle of the road, in a dharna
TTP: Only those chickens can cross the road whom we shall allow
Zardari: The chicken can cross the road only if it pays my cut
Gen Kyani: The chicken doesn't intend to cross the road any more
CJ: I have taken notice of the chicken crossing the road (Won't spare the damn chicken)
Obama: Send the drones before it crosses the road

Romance 2.0

She came, she chatted and she conquered .. Other variants can be .. she came, she messaged (as in sms) and she conquered or may be she skyped and conquered or perhaps she facebooked and conquered or probably .... (and the list goes on) .. Welcome to the 21st century .. this is Romance 2.0.
Sometimes I wonder how romance looked like in pre-sms age. These technology platforms provide wonderful ways for sweethearts to connect and for connections to become sweethearts. Now Ranjhas don't have to tend Heer's Majheeyan (Buffalos) for 12 long years to stay in touch. All they need is Heer's cell number and off they go. If both the lovers are on 3G+ platforms then the extent of sharing thoughts and moments of life are a matter of imagination (and yes ofcourse some credit is also needed). So hearts are coming closer at a faster pace than ever but hey the risk of an intruder or your lover moving away to another "platform" has also increased. But then kicks in the true love, depth of emotions and sincerity of commitment. Yes, if you think that with the advent of technology these gems have become old fashioned then you are mistaken my dear. These things are very much there but as always they are rare. So the technology can bring people closer, may provide excitment and fun or open up a plethora of options BUT building long-lasting and loving relationships still needs a beating heart, a human touch and a committed soul. So don't be dis-illusioned by the choices technology brings, rather utilize it to your best to find your very own soul-mate ... My best wishes to all those sincere lovers out there who have still NOT lost their human feelings despite being the lovers of Romance 2.0 era. Happy chatting/messaging/facebooking/blah blah/.... folks ;) Utilize technology to your fullest to find the special someone but please don't misuse or abuse it!!!

Mulla in Love :)

Hello and welcome this is BUZZ Khan from GNN (Gossip News Network). Today I am covering here what can be called the gossip of the year .. yeah we have found a Mulla who has fallen in love. Wow, cheeky and creepy isn't it... I don't know what more this 21st century is going to bring to us .. A Mullah in Love, is that an oxymoron or what (hehehe) .. anyway we have the Mulla himself, in person, here with us .. lets talk to him .....

Buzz Khan (BK): Hi, Mulla! Yo man how ye doin ...
Mulla:(Seems tight lipped) ... Assalam o Alaiukum ..
BK: :s  errr.. ummm (Sheepishly) oh well yes .. Wa Le Kum Salam .. So Mulla you are the one who has fallen in love!?
Mulla: Thats right..
BK: Can you tell us a bit how it happened, where it started .. give us those tiny, miny, lil juicy details
Mulla: (With an annoying stare) I can't tell you all this .. I must protect the privacy and self esteem of my lady love .. I just can't give these sacred details to your lousy network ...
BK: (Flabbergasted) (Talking to himself ... man this is tougher than I thought .. I should have tried to have an English interview with Meera instead, that would have been easier) Ummm well .. ok Mulla, lets put it this way .. usually the Mullas are not thought to be associated with love, romance and stuff .. how will you comment?
Mulla: Look mister we Mullas might have long beards but we still have hearts in our bosoms!!
BK: (Shaking head in admiration) .. Moved, I'm deeply moved .. but you know like you are not supposed to cast a second look at a woman .. how do you manage falling in love without really looking at someone whole heartedly??
Mulla: Ummm well (looks puzzled and a bit shaken) .. you are right we are supposed to be that way but you know we do steal a look or two occassionaly .. especially if the girl is a pretty and cute one (Mulla is blushed with a tinge of redness on his cheeks)
BK: OOKKAAYY ... (Now things are spicing up a bit) so yours is a pretty one ..ahan??
Mulla: (Totally confused) ... ummm ..well ... aa baa ..
BK: Okay okay I get it .. But don't you think its wrong or a bit sinful if I must say ..
Mulla: (Agitated) Well why .. all I intend is to get married to the woman I love, I don't mean anything sinful .. Why it seems wrong to you??
BK: (On the back foot) Oh no Mulla I didn't mean that way .. well forget it .. Ok tell our viewers as they might be interested in knowing .. what if your girl likes to party, wants to do that fun stuff and all .. how will you manage that?
Mulla: Look buddy (opening up a bit for the first time) .. I like to party myself but you know I have my limits .. I do the fun stuff once in a while .. so if my girl would like to party I'll party WITH her but there will be certain places, kind of people and activities that I might not approve .. I hope she can manage that much!
BK: Pretty cool Mulla we have here .. well Mulla let me ask this and I hope you won't be offended ..
Mulla: Go on .. I won't be ..
BK: Well why on earth a pretty and cool "Bachee" hook up with you .. come on there are so many cool guys out there .. why a boring piece of log like you ..
Mulla: (Takes a deep breath) I am not boring to begin with .. I have my lighter and fun side but I just don't show it to every woman passing by like your regular cool hunks ... I have my colors reserved for the special one .. now if that holds any significance!!
BK: O come on man you are talking as if you'll be the most committed and faithful person under the sun ..
Mulla: Well why not .. isn't that how it is supposed to be .. you get a wife and then you stay committed .. truly a one-woman-man !!
BK: Throw me a bone Mulla .. the equation in your tribe is four for one NOT one for one .. if you know what I mean
Mulla: Yeah I was expecting that one .. look man your cool guy has one wife, 3 girl friends and a dozen mistresses and I'm not counting the one-night-stands yet and you still insist on calling him a one woman man??
BK: O come on Mulla .. you jump to extremes .. the regular guy we have here doesn't have that plethora of women in his life but you know if he does steal a flirtatious moment or two, here and there .. just for fun .. man it just adds some spice to life .. On the other hand when you will fall for someone else you won't settle for less than a Nikah!!
Mulla: (With an I-Feel-Sick-of-This look on his face) Man its not compulsory to have 4 wives in your Harem, if I must say .. Point is when you marry a woman then the matters of hearts, be they small or big must remain between you and your mate .. You don't cut off with rest of the women in the world .. you do interact with them as colleagues, relatives or in some other acceptable role .. you act nicely and pleasantly with them but you do maintain a "safe distance" .. its not that difficult to achieve if you have your juices in your control ..
BK: Oh man don't take it personally ..
Mulla: I'm not!
(Brief moments of silence)
BK: But my question is still there .. look I appreciate you will be faithful and all but still .. yaar just look, there are so many guys, they are usual nice guys, they will be faithful too, they are trendy as well, you have so many strings attached, like your appearance, your limited life-style .. and yes you'll ask your woman to cover-up and wear shuttle cocks etc .. I know you are a genuine nice guy but why you? Why not others?
Mulla: (With a you-break-my-heart look) Sighs ... Man I really don't have an answer for this .. but i'll try .. look buddy can't you just treat me as your usual nice guy, why there is so much stereo-typing .. If I try to live my life around a philosophy then whats wrong with it .. Everyone has their ideas about life, you can't even predict what others really believe in .. mine is at least open and predictable .. as for covering up and all that, well man if I am saving so much of my inner self for my special one, can't she keep her most prized and precious assets just for me .. I won't be oppressive or imposing .. I know how to give space and give time for adjustments .. but if I ask her to dress up decently then probably I'm not asking for too much!!
BK: Hmmm ... ok let me ask .. why have you fallen for a not-so-religious-looking-girl? why not your ninja-burqa-clad Mullani?
Mulla: Ah you don't understand my friend .. in the matters of heart you can't fall for someone who has the "right parameters" .. its just for whom the heart beats and the one who clicks .. its just like that and plus I don't stereo-type like you do .. Nice girls don't come in pre-defined packages .. they can be found in any shape and form, you just need to have an eye to identify the right one!!
BK: Alright man this is getting long here .. any message you want to give??
Mulla: Well .. its for my lady love and all those skeptics who keep their fingers crossed around mullas and lovers .. the spring of love can well up from any heart, the seed of romance can take roots in any ground .. its not the outward look that matters .. after all its a connection of hearts that originates from a heart and must end up nicely in another accepting and willing heart .. Love is one of those rare gifts of life that is hard to find in its purest form and much harder to match up in another equally loving and willing mate .. but no matter what the odds are, no matter how much risk is there and no matter how much emotional wealth is at stake .. going after a proposition of possible true love is worth a million heart-breaks than not attempting, just to save yourself from another emotional scar or to avoid a badly burnt heart.
BK: Wow mulla .. you are quite a poet .. you alomst made me cry man .. anyway thats all from Buzz Khan .. We hope our Mulla succeeds in winning over the heart of his lady love .. thats all for now from GNN .. keep watching for the latest gossip!!

(Disclaimer: All above characters and incidents are imaginery but they have been kept intentionally close to reality so that a coincidental resemablance may occur :D)

A Message From the Director

Just to give you the background there is a university in Lahore, Pakistan which we remember by the name of FAST-NU. As it is known the faculty and management at the university and this particular campus is a bit old fashioned and remains concerned about ethics and values (yeah that endangered species). Although some even doubt their own moralities but lets not get into that right now.
It so happened that the director of the said campus circulated an email to the students, guiding them in terms of their behavior, especially with regards to male-female interaction. Here is the message in original:

Now that seems pretty clear and simple to me but as we are a vibrant society of differing opinions a friend of ours raised concerns about this message in an alumni mailing list. His exact concerns are as follows:

As I came to know that Arshad Hussaib Sb. is also on this group, simple concerns from my side..

Mohtarram,

• Why there is no designated person/persons to circulate this/any rule to students keh apko apnay hee dast-e-mubarak say email karni parti hai?
• Secondly, what the hell was that? I mean there are infinite ways of showing concern on these issues, why FAST management always has to scare students?
• and with due respect.. urmmm.. challein rehnay dein iss say agay koi baat keee to out of respect ho jani hai.. :S :)

Incidentally I am also teaching at the same university these days and more interestingly I am teaching professional issues and ethics to the students hence I find it appropriate (sort of necessary) to add my two cents. Therefore I have composed a message on behalf of the director. Let this be an example to all directors and academic heads, of how to address a sensitive issue like this. Here it comes:

My Dearest Students,

I was just thinking about few things lately and well I am a bit upset about some of them. I don't know how to say this but being the director I must say this (please excuse me if I hurt someone). Ideally some PA or administrator should have sent this but you know, you can't really trust these guys, because they become so rude. Therefore I decided to talk to you instead. So I was saying that there are few matters of concern vis-a-vis campus behaviour is concerned. 

(Ah! this is so difficult). 

1) You know generally its not a very good idea to get too close to someone from the opposite sex. Oh please don't think that I am blaming you people, not the least. Its just that sometimes, may be due to lack of sitting space (or if no one is around) male and female students unknowingly and out of sheer innocence make some kind of contact (in the physical sense I mean). Again I'm extremely embarrased myself having said these words. (If any of you feels offended just ignore this mail). But my humble request is that please try not to do this in future. (Some fanatic has placed security cameras in the campus and if God forbid anyone is caught I won't be able to do much to save him&her)

2) Secondly, again this must be due to some sheer negligence of the university, students are sometimes forced to sit in the corridors and/or stairs. You know I really feel that students must be allowed to do whatever they like on the campus but again people start pointing fingers at the management, faculty and above all the student body (my beloved students). So for the sake of sheer love and concern I have for my students please don't sit in the corridors/stairs. You'll make your director really proud by NOT doing this.

I hope you get my point and please don't take it personally. Still I apologize in advance if someone feels bad about it. But you see we are like a family and being the head, I must bring issues to the table. But please don't think that I don't trust you, its just the hard part of being a director. I hope you understand my position too.

Lovingly yours,

The Director of F@$T