Dictionary Redefined

Here is a much needed redefinition of some words and terms, especially in Pakistani context. The interpretations are of course biased albeit true:

Corruption: Whatever Nawaz Sharif and/or PML-N does; humanly acts such as coughing, burping [after Siri Paye], farting [even more Siri Paye] also come under the definition IFF done by the said person or group

Gems [of wisdom]: Whatever Imran Khan and/or PTI says or does; Gems like 'اوے فلانے ', 'گیلی شلوار ' and saintly acts such as semi-nude jogging, getting stoned, faking degrees etc. are also included

Heroic: Whatever Raheel Shareef does; making Dr. Asim talk being the pinnacle of heroism

Purification: The mental, spiritual and financial state one attains upon joining PTI

Experience: What PML-N already has, PTI is learning and PPP has exhausted (read as) "The technique to attain power through whatever means available and to stay in power despite so many blunders"

Khattak Dance: Luckily it does not need a redefinition, it is still the dance which Khattaks do

Khattak Dancers

Dancing Khattak

Fair Elections: The ones in which PTI wins

Election Fraud: Irregularity

Constitutional Amendment: Piece of paper which makes us cry but we still sign it [and cry some more]

Weight: Something which Altaf Bhai gains physically but loses politically

Poker Face: PM's face

Why-So-Serious?

Bol [Speak up]: Shut up

Impotent: Umpire's finger

Social Media: Hub of [mis]information

License to abuse and ridicule: Social media

Container: Contains humans for political trafficking; also used as make shift dance party stage

Air Ticket: Jahangeer Tareen

DJ: That excessive bill sender who fore-goes a fortune in the name of love

Good Governance: Making underpass, even beneath an underpass 

Power Generation: Passed on to 'next generation'

Royal Profession: Poultry

Hunger Games: Raids of Punjab Food Authority

Certified Joker: TV Anchor, Talk-show host/participant

TV Anchor: A person certified for anything BUT TV anchoring

Selfie Master(s): Ahmad Shehzad, Shahid Afridi, Narendar Modi

Appendix: Shaikh Rasheed (redundant yet there)

Striker [who never misses]: A young doctor

Gwadar: Dubai's Worst Nightmare

Financial Policy: 1001 ways of indirect taxation

PM: The one who appoints COAS

COAS: The one who [may] keep(s) PM in power till the next appointment

Taliban Talk[ie]s : My Own Pre-Conditions

With such a hullaballoo around for talks, their team, our team, pre-conditions blah blah…. Here is a much sane solution which I’m going to propose. I’ll wholeheartedly support Taliban If they…..

• Promise to re-open YouTube, so that we [and rest of the world] can watch those beheading videos with much ease and better quality.
• Award ten [or more] lashes to all those westernized, jeans-clad, bay-purdah and bay-hooda [yet appealing] women [… who refuse to have coffee with me (and rather have it with some infidel named Karan)].
• Chummi Khalid should be returned to Awan tribe [Me being Malik Awan has nothing to do with it].
• Plant those “drone chips” in NATO trucks, so that when they strike, they strike their own freight.
• Declare AFIC to be a sub jail of GITMO. [Karma you know]
• Pak Army should be restricted to DHAs only, be disarmed and be allowed to deal in real estate only. [I have a feeling that this demand has already been met .. but I need to re-check]
• Ask Iftikhaar Chaudhry to write “I Love Mush” for each suo-moto notice he took. [Paper and pen industry will flourish thus]
• Send Arslan Ifitikhar on a trip to Monte-Carlo with Bannu-DI-Khan jail breakers and all those pardoned by his dad’s court [and let Malik sb. sponsor it ... again]. (Everybody needs a break, so do Taliban)
• Impose a same-sex-marriage on Chaudhary Nisar and Malik Riaz.
• Appoint Pervaiz Khattak as the Japphhee (جاپھی) of Pakistan’s National Kabaddi team and he’ll show who the real Pehelwan (wrestler) is! [Ranay pe Rana]
• Force Maulana to wear a turban made out of denim (and designed by Diesel). [I know this one is cheeky :p ]
• Let Ansar Abbasi torture NFP by reading out ten Siparas to him daily.
• Arrange a cage fight between Orya Maqbool Jan and Zaid Hamid. Just to add a little fun they must be the commentators of their own fight.
• Shaikh-ul-Islam’s speeches and activities should be ‘contained’ but allow him to run for the next pope. [Reminds me of Rehman Malik somehow]

Contained

• Ban all those talk shows and behead their anchors who conduct solo shows featuring Sheikh Rasheed. [That rids us of 75% talk show airtime, 90% of talk shows and 99% of anchors  ... yeah!]
• Allow PTI to open offices in North Waziristan and make sure Dr. Mazari is appointed there.
• Design a special talking-chamber where the subject to be tortured is forced to listen to long distance calls of drunken-exPat-Politicians 24/7 [and put you-know-who in it :p ].
• Fly Main Sb to Jeddah without making any fuss or getting any papers signed [this time].
• Re-decide the fate of NA-125, however this time (instead of polling) a tug of war should be held between Saad Rafiq and All-the-Aunty-Bachee-crowd-of-defence (My Mother-in-Law and Wife included). [Tug of war: like they hold in Punjab Youth Festivals and to add insult to injury Guinness Book Reps must witness]
• Nominate Baji Maryum as the sole guarantor of the whole loan scheme (Kaisa!) and make her pay the interest too!!
• Shahbaz Shareef must continue as Khadim-e-Aala: We really need some more flyovers and metro buses [plus he must be given HakeemUllah-Ludhianvi peace award for successfully maintaining truce with the buddies ;)].
• Rana SanaUllah’s Moustaches should be clean shaved for bearing an Un-Islamic outlook and the unreasonably extra space they occupy. [This will not be a vendetta for making a 180 degree shift on buddies and (almost) declaring war on ‘southern support base’]
• Do unto Bilawal as you guys do unto such boys. (Haaaawwww) [However Bilawal might reply "Marsoo marsoo **nd na desoo"]

           And last but not the least [in fact the most important]:

•  Declare Immi [the savior; the last and only hope of this wretched nation] to be our prime minister for life and if he refuses this time, to be on your team … ‘upload’ him on YouTube [hence you know why I want YouTube reopened …. Muuhahahaa  MUHAHAHAHA…. ].

Immi the Savior

At Imran Khan's Rally

On the eve of 3rd July, 2009, Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaaf (PTI) organized a protest rally on the monumental Mall Road (Shahrah-e-Quaid-e-Azam) of Lahore.
protest was against acute power shortage, a sudden rise of prices in petroleum products (that will trigger an across the board price hike) and unemployment. The issues are indeed the most burning ones faced by Pakistan today. I'm sorry but terrorism, religious extremism, Talibanization etc. does hurt me but NOT as much as these things do. A suicide bomber is a real threat but he would rather kill me in an instant, however the above stated issues will leave me lurching somewhere between life and death, a much more painful ordeal. To get killed by a bomber is NOT a priority here .. its plain sarcasm. But lets leave that debate for a later occasion.

I later learnt that Jamaat-e-Islami (JI) also organized similar rally on that very day at about the same location, few hours before this particular event. PTI and JI are two political groups that opted to boycott last years' general elections. It is good to see that they are playing their role in national politics one way or the other. I wish these political forces join hands for these issues and make a united front to get them resolved, just like they did for the "Chief Justice" issue.

Anyhow coming back to the rally. The rally was properly organized and had lot of party workers and a representation of women too. However, one thing which I was looking for and was utterly lacking was the educated youth and the white collar middle class. The workers present there were the typical paid party workers. Not saying that they shouldn't be there but my image of PTI was a bit different. A friend of mine who is a party member and comes from an educated background was there at the rally but he too was watching the event from the sidelines like me. But lets not draw any conclusions from these observations at this point in time.

Imran Khan joined in the rally later on and as is natural the crowds were electrified by his presence. The procession then marched on towards WAPDA House where Imran Khan had to make a speech. The numbers out there in the procession were quite plausible. According to my most conservative estimate there were 2 to 3 thousand people in that rally. News items from national dailies about the event are also attached.

The News

Express News